Apple iPhone class-action lawsuit that will never happen

There are several bloggers and forum posters that are talking about having a class-action lawsuit against Apple for the locked iPhone.  Everyone knows that bloggers and posters are more likely to talk than act, but what if…  Since Retard News covers the technology side of happenings as well as the legal side, this will have to count as two posts (just read it twice).

You bought an Apple iPhone because.. well, you thought it was cool to be the first of your friends to own one.  You honestly didn’t have any reason for it, you already had a cell phone or PDA of some sort, or you actually figured this was a good entrance into the world of cell phone + other device.  So you threw down $599 for the iPhone, another $35-$50 for tax, then either signed up for service through AT&T because that was your only option or figured that you would be an idiot ingenious type and wait for the hacking of the iPhone.  (oh ya, and you got $100 of your lost $200 back)

Hacking the iPhone isn’t illegal, but isn’t smart either.  When you hack the iPhone, you can’t update the software for it (at least nobody has yet come out with that “hack”).  You have now voided your warranty.  Oops.

Did you pay for the service contract through AT&T?
  If you paid for the service contract you either are spending $50 a month for the next two years of usage or paid all up front, which means that’s $1,200 out of pocket.  It’s also an option to cancel your AT&T agreement, though that isn’t too easy to accomplish.  The reports online seem to lead to the belief it costs between $170-$250 for cancellation fees to your contract.

You didn’t get AT&T service?
  If you didn’t get the service through AT&T you are a rebel, and now you can’t update your phone which means that according to the warranty information (that you agreed to when you opened the iPhone packaging) you are voiding your warranty by not updating your iPhone with the necessary updates.  If you didn’t get service, you now have turned your iPhone into an iBrick!

Time for a class-action lawsuit?
  Any shark lawyer will take a case if there is a scent of money to be made, or some sort of publicity that will later lead to money.  Don’t pretend otherwise, lawyers didn’t go through all the schooling and testing and memorization to help out for free, even the public defender at your brother’s conviction was paid by someone.  So you find yourself a lawyer that will take on your lawsuit, but maybe there are more people out there than just you?

What does class-action mean?
  According to Rule 23, which is from Federal Rules of Civil Procedure: One or more members of a class may sue or be sued as representative parties on behalf of all only if (1) the class is so numerous that joinder of all members is impracticable, (2) there are questions of law or fact common to the class, (3) the claims or defenses of the representative parties are typical of the claims or defenses of the class, and (4) the representative parties will fairly and adequately protect the interests of the class.

So you have a lawyer, you have gone through the process of requesting the right to have a class-action lawsuit, now what?  Now you put up a website, asking other iPhone users to admit their incompetitence of reading the warranty and join you in attempting to sue Apple in order to get something for free.  The iPhone class-action case will make several lawyers wealthy, make one or two people famous for 15 minutes and will cost several people a lot of money, but it won’t hurt Apple in any way.

Apple might be required to pay something to iPhone owners, most like that will come as an Apple voucher.  Using that voucher, you will be able to buy something at the Apple store (the voucher will not allow you to buy iTunes music, but you could use it as a partial payment on the new iTouch or the next rev of the iPhone).  Whatever you buy will likely be more expensive than the voucher so you will still be paying money out of pocket and in some cases you will be buying something that you would not have purchased if you didn’t have the voucher.  Thank Microsoft’s genius for that.

So who is currently the one responsible for starting the iPhone class-action lawsuit rumor?  There’s no way to find the originator, but “myndex” posted on the Apple forums and that brought the most attention to this subject.  So when you plan on buying an iPhone, joining a class-action lawsuit because you were too stupid to read the warranty, and then spending more money at Apple because of the lawsuit, thank Andy Somers “myndex”.

Here’s a summary of myndex’s post on the forum:
“To: iPhone Owners denied warranty service. Seeking respondents for possible class action lawsuit against Apple Inc. relating to refusal to service iPhones and related accessories under warranty…There are three potential classes in this case: 1) Persons who own an iPhone and used software to access the available flash drive space on the iPhone [iPhoneDrive]; 2) Persons who installed 3rd party software on the iPhone for the purpose of expanding its functionality; 3) Persons who unlocked their iPhone to allow for its use on networks other than AT&T.”

myndex posting on Apple’s forum
myndex personal website 

(“We are a research and devlopment organization.” but apparently can’t spell)

Looks like myndex is under heavy construction