When you are in Vegas, Atlantic City, or Macau, when the lights and noises start erupting on a slot machine it’s obvious that money is won. When the lawyers get involved and the court system needs to intervene, it’s not slot machine winning but casino mind-changing that is occurring. What would you do if a casino tried trading your $57,000,000 winning slot pull into $100.00 and a cheap dinner? Continue Reading »

This just in (news sounds in the background of busy typewriters or old dot matrix printers)…. Hopping fish might mean that evolution occurred underwater before it occurred nowhere (and by nowhere it means everywhere that science exists and religion is stupid). After some scientific studying took place a bunch of people with degrees in something scientific sounding issued an opinion on air-breathing fish. I’m not sure where they studied this or if this was found out while staying at some Jamaica all inclusive resorts, but either way their degrees really came in handy for this. Continue Reading »

If you want to txt and drive, by all means don’t get in front of a school bus (especially don’t get in front of two school buses). It was a painful but quick txt conversation for one recent messenger in Missouri, as the 19-year-old driver of a pick-up truck was hit and killed only moments away from possibly txting someone. Of course the officials involved are denying knowing the exact truth, but they do know! Continue Reading »

Here at Retard News (and Retard Media, and Retard Zone) there is usually humor either found or created within stories or amongst images, but there are times that seriousness needs to be encountered. Welcome to the serious time. I don’t blame you for skipping this story and finding another, this is going to get ugly… Continue Reading »

Indians get the subjective and sometimes rude term of Indian-giver thrown around, Retard News has been doing some in-depth research in order to cover this story correctly, so here goes… Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton gave a record-breaking football to Mrs. Cam Newton (according to her self-made t-shirt) which was followed and retrieved by the team. Continue Reading »

San Bernadino in California isn’t what it used to be… since it used to be someplace that naked bodybuilders didn’t attack residents, but that’s not possible to say in a true way ever again. Enter the overly-proportioned Ruben Arzu, a 22-year old insanity patient with all muscles and no brains. Continue Reading »

It would be fun. It would be joined by many men and some women. There will be some point when this wonderful website will afford me the chance to join in on playing with grownup sized Tonka toys. Only instead of Tonka, CAT or other large real-world construction equipment becomes the tools and toys of this business. Continue Reading »