If you were Behar Merlaku and a 26-year-old slot machine winner, you would find a way to get the extra $56,999,900 and would employ lawyers to help you.

Casinos Austria AG, the company that runs the casino in Bregenz, Austria along with other casinos in other places, is claiming that a software glitch caused the win. Because of the blame of the software glitch, the casino found a way to successfully not have to pay out the win. Will they really get away with it? Maybe…

Now the disgruntled Behar is to launch a lawsuit in Austria next month to force the casino to follow through with the ‘win’, his lawyers say he is entitled to because of the what machine said. But what if the slot machine instead of saying “win $57 million” it said “slam your face into wall until dead” would be required to honor the request?

Since the casino will prove that the error occurred and can prove the problem exists, they will get out of having to pay anything and the winner will become a loser with his lost bet and now lawyer costs.

Good luck to the cheating casino.

The conclusion is that evolution of man and mammals and birds and world-of-warcraft all originated from fish.

Scientists found that the African lungfish can lift its body clear off the floor and propel itself forward using limbs instead of fish faces and smelliness.

The lungfish is an ugly looking animal, so instead of telling you all about the specialness of air breathing fish, let us imagine something about super heroes instead.

Aquaman better than Superman.

See, since Carrier IQ was detected on phones it has been learned that the FBI uses Carrier IQ software that is already embedded on more smartphones than dumb phones for investigative reasons.

Are you being investigated now? Maybe, but that’s not the point of this news.

The drive of the pick-up had sent and received txt messages within minutes of the crash that took his life. When the school buses filled with approximately 50 high school band geeks got involved in the collision, the result was the death of one band member and the complete de-harmonization of the rest of the band (well, until they played taps later that day).

The accident only goes to show that bus drivers are crazy even then they are not on The Simpsons or South Park.

Source of accidentally bused a life away.

Though like most of the Retarded there is not a superior level of intellect being floated around the Retard Offices, it’s still easy for this Retard to point at others and call names.

Assholes.

Not just the one mo-fo that started the fight, but for all of the mo-fo-a-holes that watched and laughed or just stood and watched. You don’t want to join in, you don’t want to cause a problem, that’s fine (wimpy asses) but at least you could stand up for humanity and stop the obvious bullying, call the police (or po-po for you mo-fos). Don’t be as bad or worse than the mo-fo you are watching and cheering on.

Now that this is started, the Retard News and Zone crew will be watching this story carefully, before starting to consider a level of justification carried out from the web.

Anonymous? Nope, we aren’t behind anonymity, we are willing to give the identity of every student in the video. For those of Anon, in /b4 roody-poos.

Where will this end? When there is a satisfactory outcome, Retards will continue with our other projects. At this point, the satisfaction being sought is names.

After a quick web check, “weap0n_X” or Kirk Dudley, might be the guy. Willing to come forward Kirk? Turn yourself into the police and allow the public to decide your outcome.

Source of anger and resentment towards mo-fo.

Expelling students should only be beginning.

When Cam Newton broke the single season quarterback touchdown record by rushing for his 13th touchdown, he crossed the end zone line and rushed to the stands, handing the ball to a 16-year-old fan who was wearing a t-shirt she had created the previous night with the words “Mrs. Newton” on the back. This of course made the family happy (finally they could marry their daughter off to an income producing family). When the ball was requested back, the girl gladly complied.

Why?

Indian givers? Are the Carolina Panthers really the kind of team that will take something and not give it back? Perhaps. There was a trade negotiated and carried about by the Panthers, giving the previous-record-ball-holder a replacement ball, some hats, licorice, used bags of peanuts, some extra programs, and the promise to allow her to name a future top-5 selection.

Not really, you need to read for the truth about Mrs. Cam Newton ball returned.

Besides reading about Ruben being a stranger-to-the-attacked-couple, it seems that Ruben felt comfortable enough to sit on the porch of strangers and when confronted simply get into a fight with a man, woman, and maybe a cat or two (well, not that someone brought up cats, but a man that would beat a woman wouldn’t care about cats).

The 300-pound 5’10″ bodybuilder is thought to be suffering from some sort of steroid issues.

Really?

The police have notified the media that the attacked couple are alright in the hospital, in stable condition. Also, that Ruben was being held for attempted homicide and aggravated mayhem.

Let’s go lift some weights!

Source: muscles more than brains

Ed Mumm, probably not related to Olivia (but I do like this Olivia) but worth a quick mention, as he was the wonderful adventuring entrepreneur who created the Las Vegas, Nevada fun sand box for men.

The idea was find lots of land and bring in toys to help play with the large area of land. For the low price of $500 or more you too could get into the sand box for men.

Source: Sandbox for men.

A 23 year-old Shepherd resident allegedly caused a crash when he swerved his car toward a 24 year-old Vestaburg man. Of course there is no Shepherd-Vestaburg rivalry or family fued, it was just an accidental meeting that occurred.

Or was it?

(at this point, you can read the real news story or continue reading Retard News report on the subject – real news wimp out link)

RetardNews is reporting that the Shepherd man was carrying a bow and arrow and after a lonely and non-productive hunting trip, it seemed that there would only be one or two more chances to hunt before returning home.

With the roads mostly empty, it was a great opportunity for road rage and hunting before returning home for the evening.

During the encounter, the Shepherd man retrieved a bow from his pickup truck, loaded it with a mechanical broadhead arrow, fully drew the bow back and came at the Vestaburg man. The unarmed man retreated to his vehicle, left the scene and called police.

Sheriff’s deputies later found the suspect and fined him for not having a valid human hunting card.

When Steve Rooney was only 5 years old he witnessed lightning come down and strike his father, George Rooney, dead. Well it was only a matter of time, or approximately 48 years, before this lightning would have a chance to enact it’s next act of evil.

Yes, lightning can be evil. When do people say “that’s the nicest and most polite lightning…”

It was not quite a 48 year delay in the striking of lightning between the father and son, but the amount of time is eerily close and it seems like that’s enough to go on here.

See, when fire hunts down man, you know its possible that the lightning hunts families down.

When a business is started, there are of course costs that go into the business and operation of the business. One of the common costs is for business licenses and permits. The licenses and permits enable a city to track and take revenue from businesses along with getting money for the business to have the right to do business in a town.

Most business start ups plan for the known upcoming expenses. Children with lemonade stands don’t always do the same, as a business selling lemonade from the hard work of minors is not going to start any major revenue effect.

The police didn’t mind that when they shut down the girls that were trying to save enough money to earn their way to a water park, because the police were really trying to keep the children from having fun.

Case accomplished you meanie-bo-beanie.