Sometimes there are acts of heroism that go noticed, sometimes there are acts of heroism that go unnoticed, and then there are the times that something happens that makes you laugh at the pure sadness of timing. Welcome to the sadness story only made retarded with the help of the parents. Continue Reading »

Illinois is home to the first published news article about air conditioner thefts. Why not warn people that if they don’t secure their satellite dish or car that they could be stolen since you are now warning people to secure their air conditioning systems from the rampant theft occurring. Continue Reading »

There’s not much here for comment or quips, seems like a total mistake. Within hours there should be a report about how someone called dibs but it went largely unheard. The rule of dibs stands though, so the Picasso drawing that looks like it was drawn by a child should have new ownership. Continue Reading »

This is not possible… Ryan O’Neal is suggesting that he and his offspring could have given Farrah Fawcett cancer. Maybe the New England Medical Journal and other scientific commmunities could get together to discuss this amazing realization. Cancer could be caused by celebrities, does that mean that the cure for cancer is found? Continue Reading »

A judge in Texas has given a child’s mother 5 years of probation due to a spanking in which the 2-year old child received a spanking that initially left a red mark but later subsided without even a buise. The judge Jose Longoria commented to the mother upon conviction that “you don’t spank children today.” Continue Reading »

Police in Chiapas, Mexico stopped two trucks heading toward the United States. The trucks are described as being trailer and though there are no reports so far, this could be a huge fine for the drivers as the penaly for being a coyote is bad but having up to pay for the seatbelt violation in the smaller truck would be over $19,200! Continue Reading »

Being British isn’t the problem, though that’s not a benefit unless you are paid to speak unintelligibly or be royalty; the problem is that Stephen Hawking isn’t afraid of the dark and now he’s trying to scare the world’s population of nyctophobia-ists. That’s right, RetardNews is breaking the news now about the dark! Continue Reading »

When you see the name Maria Jose Cristerna it means nothing to you, what would you care if some woman took on a challenge as great and nearly impossible as Maria “Vampire Woman” Cristerna has decided to bite off. It seems that after an incredibly Catholic upbringing the Mexican lawyer decided to ward off Catholics by going extreme. Continue Reading »

There was a man, his name was Tyrone McCrae, he was being stalked and eventually was killed by fire. You think that fire lacks will and want and desire, but Tyrone knows the truth. The fire that killed Tyrone was unable to take his life before he heroically rescued people that will be killed in the sequel. Continue Reading »

Because the actual truth that exercise can cause problems with people that are not accustomed to exercise is too mundane and boring, some woman using the handle Anne Harding from Health.com wrote an article listing sex as a problem with exercise and health. Continue Reading »