Everyday Retards News

GNO = Guy’s Night Out

A guy’s night out can include many things, in the case of an Indianapolis man that meant a strip club. To his 5-year-old son, that meant watching cartoons. Everything sounds acceptable, unless the man leaves his son in the cab of his semi-truck in order to make it happen. Continue Reading »

Trick or treat using jellyfish

Keith Edward Marriott is a 41-year-old man who likes to play tricks on people. In this latest round of trying to self-entertain himself he pretended to drown. When someone would give attention to him he would stop the fake drowning and fling jellyfish. Continue Reading »

Man shoots cannon at neighbor

A man in Pennsylvania who recreates firearms from past wars accidentally shot a two-pound cannonball through the wall of his neighbor’s house. Wlliam Maser is a 54 year old man who lives in Georges Township and has never previously shot cannonballs at any of his neighbors. Continue Reading »

The real hell’s kitchen

In Tampa, Florida some inmates have found a use for their time beyond just exercising and planning what they will do as their first felonious job when they get out of jail, in this case they are making their own hot sauce. Could the real hell’s kitchen be found in jail? Continue Reading »

Cookie dough more unhealthy than previously known

Nestle has recalled Toll House cookie dough due to possible E. coli that has sickened 66 people in 28 different states. According to ABC News, many of the afflicted people reportedly had eaten some of the cookie dough within a period of time surrounding their illness. Continue Reading »

FDA warns against hand sanitizers

Clarcon Biological Chemistry Laboratory Inc. of Roy, Utah, issued a voluntary recall of some skin sanitizers and skin protectants marketed under several different brand names, the FDA said in a statement. Continue Reading »

Miami prosecutor arrested for beating pizza delivery woman

Miami, FLORIDA — Miami prosecutor David Ranck reportedly got in a shouting match with a pizza delivery woman outside of his that turned violent.
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Teen who auctioned virginity online stands to lose 65% in taxes

Tax officials in Germany are set to claim most of a teens earnings after she auctioned her virginity online.
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Fake ape tries to steal fake bananas

Because in Wisconsin there’s not enough to do, a man dressed in an ape suit and attempted to steal foam banana displays from the inside of local gas stations. So far the fake ape has only attempted this at two different gas stations in the Fond Du Lac area.

Motives are currently unknown as the police have not yet nabbed the suspect, no further information is available on why someone would choose to dress as an ape to steal fake bananas. Continue Reading »

Man accused of armed denture robbery

Staten Island, New York — 40-year-old Gennario Sibbio alleges that his former colleague robbed him at gunpoint forcing him to hand over his dentures along with other items.
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